Something you may not know about me. I wish I wasn’t here. I wish I didn’t exist. I wish sometimes that God hadn’t brought me to this Earth as His creation… But He did. And there’s a reason for that. I just don’t know what that reason is. But in truth, I don’t know how close I’ll come to finding out before I just give in.
I can’t wait to get away from this place. To leave and not come back. but I promised him I would come back. I promised him I’d come back and find him… But who knows what the future holds. Who knows what God has planned. I just need to get away for a while. I need an escape. I need something. seriously. i feel like I’m being suffocated by breathing.
I wish I wasn’t here.
I don’t know what I’m doing
So many girls I know have had relationships before. I am not one of them. I’m awkward and I respect myself, which isn’t what guys like most of the time. But there’s one guy I found that does, and he likes me… The problem is, I don’t know what I’m doing. He’s a little far fetched for me, and he’s not christian, which there’s nothing wrong with that, except for the fact that Christianity is one of my qualities in the right guy for me.. I’m not trying to be mean or anything, I just really want a christian guy in my life…
i have to admit, it is pretty nice to have someone though. His family loves me, his dogs love me even more, and I think he genuinely likes me for who I am… which is a miracle in itself. I just don’t know what I’m doing. And I’m scared… But I wouldn’t change this for the world… At least not yet :P haha
I most certainly will NOT be your “babe” because in doing so, I would bring myself down. I need someone who won’t shove me into something I don’t want to do, or try something I have no interest in trying… I am so much more than you’re making me, and unless I find someone who can see that, I will remain single. I don’t deserve to be treated like some off the corner hooker. and even if i was an off the corner hooker, i wouldn’t stand for it. I deserve more, because i am more. I won’t just settle for the first guy that comes around wagging his penis like some girls seem to do. I won’t SETTLE for anything less than what I deserve, and my standards are high. So I’m sorry if that’s offensive to you, but maybe you should stick it back in your pants and move on because you don’t deserve someone who’ll sleep with anyone either. Honestly people, do you have no self respect anymore? Do you see your self worth to be so low that you just go for anything with wet reproductive organs and a mouth? Ugh. my faith in humanity is falling down the rabbit hole, past wonderland, and right into the garbage chute of infamy.
every time i open my mouth these days i fuck something else up entirely… I can literally feel things falling apart, like piece by piece my world is chipping away.
When a guy you’ve never talked to before starts calling you babe, he’s not worth your time
shallow mofo’s can suck it.
i may not be the tiniest girl in the world, or even close to it, and i may not like my curves, and hate looking in the mirror every day, but you know what mofo’s, I’m freaking awesome just the way i am. so suck it.
This post will make no sense to most of you.
A note on leaving.
I guess we have to accept it. Everyone leaves at some point. We move out after we graduate to make a life for ourselves, and leaving our parents to their lives. The people that “love us” leave us for something better. Elders leave us here on earth after their time is done… We all leave. We all change. Some people accept the change better than others. They let things go, they move on, they leave the leaving behind and keep going. But others don’t take it so well. They hold on, they stare at the spot where their loved ones used to be, and they don’t move, because if they stay still enough, maybe they won’t have to accept the change. Maybe they’ll just stay the same.